WAYS TO MESS UP YOUR KID

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We're in the middle of a parenting series here at GCC called, The Thing from Another Planet. Last weekend, here at GCC, I talked about five sure fire ways to mess up our kids. You can watch the service here. If you want to see me looking really, really ridiculously foolish, fast forward to 16 minutes into the service.

Here are five ways I came up with:

IF YOU WANT TO MESS YOUR KID UP, MAKE THEM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE.

Make your family child-centric. Forget about your spouse. Make sure everything revolves around them at all times.

    

IF YOU WANT TO MESS YOUR KID UP, ACT LIKE THEY ARE NOT WATCHING.

Yes, pretend they don't watch us 24/7. Forget that long after they have forgotten your words of advice, they will remember how you lived. So, don't deal with your wounds, character flaws, or sin. That way you can pass those on to your kids.

    

IF YOU WANT TO MESS YOUR KID UP, SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS.

Rush in and rescue your children. Make sure they never experience the negative consequences of their bad behavior. In so doing, we make sure that they will repeat those bad choices. Rush in and help them whenever they have a problem. If you do this, you will pass on this valuable life lesson: You are inadequate.

 

IF YOU WANT TO MESS YOUR KID UP, ALWAYS DEFER TO THE OTHER PARENT.    

This one's primarily for us guys. Keep repeating the phrase, "Ask your mom." Make sure your wife bears the weight of raising the kids while you give your best energy at work, leaving none for home.

    

IF YOU WANT TO MESS YOUR KID UP, NEVER SAY, "I'M SORRY."

The only thing worse then making a mistake as a parent is making a mistake and not admitting it. When we say, "I'm sorry. Forgive me. We're making some changes" we teach our kids how to deal with failure with integrity. We show them that amazing grace still flows from Jesus and that transformation is possible!

 

Expand on the list. What are some other sure fire ways to mess up your kids? I've tried all of these. What ones have you experimented with?

Comments

[Jim Henry]

If you want to mess up your kids, force them to be "interested" in the things that interest you: "Daddy's a guitar player, so you should be a guitar player" - Even if their giftedness is clearly in another area.

You nailed the "I'm sorry" point. A parent's humilty speaks volumnes into the life of their children. I've had to live that one out more times than I care to remember, yet each time, God uses that situation to mold and strengthen our relationship.

Thanks Rob!

[Christine Henry]

I just posted about saying sorry to my son. My husband Jim told me about your post after he read mine so I thought I would share it with you. My mother never apologized to me and has told me never to say sorry to my kids. I completely disagree with her. My kids know I am not perfect. How do my kids learn to say sorry if the main teacher in their life doesn't apologize to them. We are not perfect and must show humility to them.

[Sam]

How about if you want to mess up your kid. "Give them everything they want".

[Rindy]

These are great. As a single mom, I am so guilty of the first one--by trying not to let them "miss out" on anything that a kid with two parents might have. In doing that--they learned their needs/wants always came first--been working on undoing that one!!

Saying you're sorry, letting them see you struggle and fail, and allowing them to struggle and fail with you alongside them are definitely ways to teach them to become loving, authentic, honest and strong men and women. Good stuff!!

[Trevor Davis]

How about "IF YOU WANT TO MESS UP YOUR KIDS, WAIVER IN YOUR ANSWERS". I am constantly surprised by parents who tell their kids 'no', watch their children do the opposite, the parent provides no reprocussion, and then turns and says "They never listen." They never listen, becuase they never HAVE to. I am constantly grounded as a parent by reminding myself that:

Matt 5:37 - Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

It makes life harder to hold the line, but clear rules make the playing field well known.